Rhymes with Orange

Random thoughts of Olympic proportions

2006-02-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

Things I thought during the Olympics:

Do you suppose that all the women ice skaters get a free Brazillian wax when they get to the arena? I would hope so... if my hoo-ha was exposed on millions of high definition big screen tv sets, I'd wouldn't want any stray stragglies.

On that note - what is up with the new "dog peeing on a hydrant" pose? That's not pretty, gals. Not at all. Seriously. You look like hookers offering free samples. Close that up and do a spin or something. I like those.

I would like to tie Apolo Anton Ono up in my bed and do naughty things to him. Then make him pancakes to see him smile with that little dimple thing he's got going on. Did you notice how the side of his mouth dips when he talks? That is so freakin' CUTE! Ahem. Moving on. Reluctantly.

Does anyone else watch the bobsled just hoping that they will crash? Does anyone else imagine the sound of their little heads bonking into each other when they go around the corners? That's why the 4 human bobsled (I refuse to call it a bobsleigh. That's dumb) is the best to watch.. bonkbonkbonkbonk.

*hee hee* Her last name is "Slutskaya" Or something like that. The main thing... slut... *hee hee*

I hate Yahoo. Only Yahoo puts the Olympic results RIGHT ON THEIR MAIN WEBSITE! Thanks, idiots... I went to check my email and found out who won. Does it occur to you that I just might want to watch the tape delay and find out myself? Props to MSN for hiding it.

Curling is funny, hockey is kind boring since there are so many professionals in it, those two speed skaters are babies and should stop whining at each other, oh my gawd - that's a man camel toe and it has to hurt bad!

Bob Costas has funny looking hair.

Announcers should not lisp. (A note here.. I am not making fun of those who lisp... but one would think that perhaps broadcasting might not be the best career choice)

Is "Olympic Gold" different than any other gold? I mean, really? And on that track... does anyone else kinda think it would be funny if the medals were really foil wrapped chocolates?

I don't care what people say, Eddie the Eagle is my favorite Olympian of all time.

Mamas, don't let your girlies take woodshop

2006-01-22T21:38:00.000-08:00

I blame the radial arm saw.

When I was growing up on the little pseudo-farm, my Dad had lots of power tools. Planers, hand held sanders, drills. And the radial arm saw. Radial arm saws are cool. You can do tons of things with them (wood cutting wise) and they eat fingertips (that's another story in itself.)

At my High School on Vashon, you had to take either Home Ec or Woodshop. I wanted to use the power tools therefore I took Woodshop. I made a solid oak breadbox that was the wrong shape for bread and a variety of other bits of cut and stained wood structures that I can't remember now. I used how to use the drill press, the table saw, and yes, the holy grail... the radial arm monster. I would come home from school in collage and build planter boxes.

So, what does this have to do with anything? Everything. Because I didn't take Home Ec.

My mom tried to make up for it. I took a sewing class from the local fabric store. I made a dress that didn't fit me by the time I finished it. I can't make a pattern, I can't hem... hell, I can barely sew on a button.

I find my greatest challanges in the kitchen, however.

I've tried ways to compensate. I buy cookbooks, I buy gadgets. Sometimes I am successful. And sometimes I know when things are done because the smoke detector goes off.

But you know why I really feel like a complete gomer? I cannot use a crockpot. A CROCKPOT! I know what you're thinking... "Anyone can use a crockpot! You just put the food in, turn it on and later you have a meal. What could be more basic?" Yes, I know the theory.

I understand the concept. It's like toast.. you put bread in the toaster and push a button and it's magically transformed into crispy goodness. But I have yet to create something tasty from a crockpot. In extreme cases, I cannot produce EDIBLE foodstuffs from said cooker.

Here is an example.

Football season means parties. Parties in my circle of friends means everyone brings something snacky. I thought that I could make those little smokey sausages in bbq sauce. I thought I could use the crockpot. I thought wrong.

About 9 pm, I added about a half gallon of bbq sauce to the 4 lbs of little smokeys that I'd crammed into the crockpot. I thought to myself - "hmmmm, these could take a while to warm up, I should turn them on now. " I know what you're thinking at this point... yes, I turned them on low. Turning them on high would have just been foolish - how dumb do you REALLY think I am?

So, a couple of hours later I go to bed. I wake up to the lush smell of warm bbq sauce, smiling at my ability to plan ahead. I walk into the kitchen, look at my counter and realize that Houston, we've had a problem. While I was sleeping, the weiners had gone through the multiple stages of becoming non-edible food product. Apparently the crockpot cooks things. And 12 hours of "warm" will transform 4 lbs of little smokeys into a mass of shrivelled little black nubbins and puffed up exploded grease granades. For the record... little smokeys plump when you cook them. Just so you know. They plump the lid off the crockpot and try to escape across your countertop, leaving little bbq scented slug trails. If they can't go on walkabout, they shrivel into themselves like something from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Nothing in that pot was something that you would serve to people. It was probably biohazard. I threw it all away. I took a cream cheese/crab/cocktail sauce combo instead. People loved it. It was not burnt to a crisp nor shrivelled into some new strange form of life form.

You should remember this when you invite me over. I can't make little smokeys... but I can make you a planter box. I'll just need to use your radial arm saw. It's okay, I'm trained.

Regressing to be an adult

2006-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Once, I was young. I went to school, I played sports, I worked at the local Dairy Queen and made very little money. I saw movie matinees or rented videos and read a lot of books I checked out at the library.

Now, I am older. I attend the school of life, I watch sports from seats in the arena, I work at a cellular phone company and make good money. Sometimes I see movies the minute they open or I buy them on DVD and I read a lot of books that I buy from stores when I happen to find one that fits my fancy.

I'm stupider now than I was then.

Let's talk about habits that cost a lot of money, shall we? Forget those mochas and fancy smancy martinis - you want to blow a lot of money? Buy your books at Barnes and Noble or (worse) the local QFC when you're getting some milk. When you read as fast as I do, this is a wallet lightener. I've spent a LOT on books, LOTS. Books probably cost me $100 a month. Seriously.

So, I've grown up and regressed. I got a library card. I'm going to check out books and read them. Better yet, when I'm done, I'm going to give them back so that the piles of mediocre literature that clutters my small space now don't continue to grow.

I checked out and read 3 books in the last week. I saved more than $20.

I am so stupid-proud of myself for getting a library card. Libraries are all high tech now... you can go online and "order" yourself a book. You don't have to talk to any sort of librarian to check books out, you just do it yourself. I miss the little cards though which told you when the book was due back. Now you get a receipt.

So, I grew up and went back to the basics.

I still reserve the right to buy Harry Potter though... I mean, let's get real. Some things you just gotta own. :)

Yes, I'm going to go there

2005-12-08T18:53:00.000-08:00

Hello to all of you!

I see now that I have poor spammers who read this blog! I'm so sorry that I've left you in the lurch for so long... I promise to get back to my Levitra and Paxil and Rogaine and whatever that is you think I need even though I'm not depressed (at least not that's been diagnosed) nor have herpes or am bald or (for those of you who take note of this things in your direct marketing campaigns) do not have a penis and am not looking for any sort of "hot Asian chick." I am glad that you continue to email me at work, though... that's gotta look good to the new regime.

So. It's been a bit, huh? Today I wrote that the date was 10/8. It's not. Not at all. Which is good because I don't think that I really want to relive the last couple of months. Those months brought me closer to done with the project I will now call "Richard Parker". If you don't understand the reference, go read "The Life Of Pi". It's not about math. It's about survival and adventure, a large ocean, Bengal tiger and a small, Indian boy. If I hadn't lent it out I would let you borrow it, but I'm still waiting to get it back so get in line.

I have a rant. I know you're surprised. Have I written about this? If so then consider me a one trick pony and plait my mane before you go.

Public bathrooms, including the ones at work. I have identified the type of people you get in bathrooms which annoy me and make an uncomfortable situation even more unsettling. I think my "thing" about this bathroom stuff partially comes from growing up in a house with fairly thin walls, then living with an ex who would knock on the bathroom door while I was in there and make directed comments about what he THOUGHT I was doing. Let me just tell you, there's nothing more likely to make a girl pee-shy than knocking on the door while she's using the facilities and asking "are you peeing? whatcha doing in there? Peeing?" And this post is a lie because he didn't use to ask about peeing if-you-catch-my-drift but I'm NOT going there, no way mister.

But I digress. Here are some things to think about next time you have the pleasure of sharing a rather intimate moment with a complete stranger. If I could make them rules, I think that I would.

1) Please don't sit right next to me. You know how men have the "we're not gay" seat at the movies? I need that buffer. Please leave an empty stall. I know what you're thinking... "what if that's the only one that is available?". Easy. Wait until someone leaves... that stall is a DMZ.

2) Please make some sort of noise. I don't mean THAT sort of noise (you're nasty) but you could shuffle your feet or something. If you don't make any "hello, I'm here" sound, I think you're listening to me. And if you're just pee-shy, too then you should realize you're not doing anyone any favors by being silent. I know you're there... and now I think you're creepy.

3) Please don't talk on the cell phone. I don't want that kind of audience. 'nuff said

4) Wash your damn hands. Didn't your mother teach you better?

5) Please do not leave your butt gasket, any stray TP squares or any other "gifts" behind. I can't imagine what your bathroom looks like at home.

Okay. I think I'm done. If we can all just follow these rules, I'll be much happier and that's what really matters.

:)

Aid offers pour in from around the globe - Hurricane Katrina - MSNBC.com

2005-09-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

LInk to the article: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9161198/

What the HELL is wrong with that wasted lump of flesh that has managed to get hisself electemated Preznit?!

I am horrified by what I see on the news about New Orleans and the surrounding areas. I can't imagine what those people are going through. It's obvious that this is larger than any of us, that we need help, that we can't do enough right now.

And then this asshole has to get all up in his jock about how "we're going to take care of our own business as well", which is essentially telling all those who want to help to go fuck themselves.

I am so mad I could spit. This is a reprehensible man.

Why I'm weird.

2005-08-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, we're all weird... but did you ever really think of what makes YOU weird?

Here are some weird food things I have come to realize about myself and accept. Yes, I know there are more reasons I am weird. No, I don't need your suggestions.

Weird food things:

1) I am completely addicted to whipped cream. Dinner could be whipped cream with whipped cream on top. With a whipped cream garnish. Okay, that could be breakfast, too.
2) I really like baked puffed cheese puffs. You know, like Cheetos except they're all puffy? That might not be so strange... but I *love* them when they're stale. MMmmmmm... stale cheesy poofs.
3) I cannot drink soda directly from the can. There's too much fizz to it. In fact, slightly flat is best of all.
4) The best dip for french fries? Ketchup. With tartar sauce. You get a glob of tartar sauce.. then dip that WHOLE thing in the ketchup. Heaven. Or a heart attack in your hand. Either way, it's probably worth grossing someone out with.

So, other than embracing my oddities.. what's been up lately? Went to THE WEDDING, which was TONS of fun. And, contrary to many Vegas oddsmakers, I sucessfully read a portion of the Bible without bursting into flame. This, however, was not something you commented on in front of many of the wedding guests. I get the sense they actually had "church clothes", not just the "you think this is too 'tart-y' for Jesus?" ensemble that I put together.

I will have to write more about THE WEDDING, but right now I'm just not in the mood. Work is kicking my ass all over the place.. but that's why they call it work and not vacation. Speaking of vacation - the week in Alaska is coming up and I AM SO EXCITED I COULD PEE! I can't wait to get out of this place and see something new.

Another entry in the "you live in a beautiful place.. when's the last time you saw any of it" category, my friend invited me to go huckleberry picking with her and her folks on Sunday. We were up in the mountains and it was SOOOOOOO gorgeous. And I got about a pie's worth of huckleberries sitting in my freezer. The high points of the day? The mountains, the clean air and the "mom" sandwich (sandwiches always taste best when a mom makes them). The lower points? The slight sunburn on the back of my neck, the getting there at 9 am on a Sunday, and the peeing in the woods.

If those are the low points, my life ain't that bad. :)

Ew.

2005-08-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

I am officially old. No, really. Old. I should just get an AARP card in the mail now, sell my crap, get a cat, move to Florida, learn to play golf and forget how to drive.

Why, you ask?

I just saw a commercial for Target. Back to school. The theme song they'd rewritten?

Baby Got Back.

Yes, that whole booty shakin', kareoke bar favorite. Baby Got Back.

Shilling backpacks and shoes and t-shirts for TARGET.

See why I am officially old?

In other news... Atlanta was hot (muggy) but I was very excited to see fireflies (or lightning bugs) and a WICKED COOL thunderstorm. It brought back the memories of being a kid and visiting Iowa and catching fireflies and pulling their glowing butts off and smearing them around. And sitting on the front porch of my Grandparents farm, sipping Cokes from a glass bottle (a glass bottle!!) and watching the storm roll in over the fields.

We went a-firefly searching in Atlanta. We were directed to a park and thought that we couldn't find it. So we took a different road and found what we THOUGHT was the park but instead turned out to be the set of a Stephen King horror movie. We're talking rolling fog (from the river), a parking lot under a freeway overpass and the shafts of light coming through the fog to the dark path winding between the river and the road through the woods.

We walked down the "oh no, I'm sure no serial killers would POSSIBLY live here" path that was supposed to lead to an bridge over the river and then to (a hopefully) open area to see the throngs of glowing bugs like a redemptive fairie convention. That was the only way I was walking through the deadly woods. We keep walking. No bridge. No open area. No fairie lights. No fireflies (well, a random blink or two).

By the time we headed back, I was seriously spooked. Hearing noises spooked. Formulating the plan wherein I take my kitten heeled sandal off and imbed it into my chainsaw brandishing attacker in order to save us all spooked. I could hear the loudmouth in the front row of the movie theater yelling "Oh girl... NO YOU DON'T WALK DOWN THAT PATH!". I practically ran back to the car. In kitten heel sandals. Yes, it was THAT scary.

We get back to the hotel. The front desk lady who obviously wanted us dead so she could have our stuff (she was the one who sent us to this "park") asked us how it was. We told her that it was scary... turns out this was not the right park. No duh, lady. If this WAS the right park, she was one seriously messed up chick.

It's okay... I've forgiven her for the nightmare I had that night.

Time, time, time.. see what's become of me

2005-07-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

In other words, it's been a while since I've had a chance to write. In that time I've learned that I have very grand ambition for myself, but have a hard time with some of the execution of said ambition.

For example, I've been staring at the pile of shoes in my entryway. (side note... somewhere alone the way I've developed a liking for girl shoes... you know, the ones with pointed toes and colors and all. odd. the weirdest thing is that they are actually pretty comfy - although they do tend to make your feet look pretty big. well, if you have big feet like me anyway) So (back to the story) I decided to buy a shoe rack. I bought a shoe rack. I put it in the entryway along the wall. So, now I have a shoerack and a pile of shoes in my entryway. I have to MAKE myself put my shoes on the rack. Like it doesn't occur to me. So you know all you people who complain that someone you know or live with leaves random articles of clothing in a Pig-Pen like flurry everywhere they go? Cut us some slack... apparently we can't help it.

Other new things in my life (other than shoes). Been shopping a lot. Again, I have hit a girl gene and thought I needed skirts. So I bought skirts. To go with the shoes. No, I have not started in on purses. I have enough already. Lord help me if I start wearing ruffles. Well, a little ruffle is okay, I guess. heh. Work has been kicking my ass, so I think I'm trying to feel like all that time and work is worth it. Like I can put all my new clothes on my bed and roll around in it in a Scrooge McDuck pleasure orgy of posessions.

TOMORROW IS THE MOST EXCITING DAY, EVER. Ask me why. Go ahead. Ask me. Really. ASK ME. I'll pretend that you did. It's okay, I can feign my own interest.

Tomorrow is a grand day because 2 incredibly wonderful things happen. 1) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starts and I have tickets to see it on the IMAX screen. And 2) HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER! The new Harry Potter book is on sale at 12:01 AM Saturday and I have a book on hold downtown so I will probably be a complete dork and go wait in line for it. So, I get to go from Charlie to Harry all in one night and completely indulge that inner child. Whew! I'm so excited I could PEE.

Other things.. I am going to Atlanta for work in a couple of weeks. You should say goodbye to me now because I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. I've done some calcuations (see, there's math involved... it's got to be true) and due to the average temperature and humidity, I'm pretty sure that the water in my body will completely boil away once I step foot off that plane. You scoff? Look at the math:

Boiling point of water: 212° F
Average temperature of Atlanta in July: 90° F
Average humidity of Atlanta in July: 82%

Now, if you multiply the average temperature by the average humidity you get 7,380. Degrees. THAT'S HOW HOT IT ACTUALLY IS. I mean, it's not the temperature of the Sun or anything (27,000,000° F) but let's face it, once you hit... oh, say 5,000°, it's all just a matter of true discomfort. And it's MUCH higher than the boiling point of any liquid in my body.

As my friend from Atlanta told me last year "Girl... it's AFRICA hot!" (Just for accuracy's sake, I looked at a map of Africa and the hottest I could find was 96°. With 12% humidity. So, with an actual temperature of 1,152° Atlanta is HADES INNERMOST CIRCLE OF HELL hot. Take that Africa... you're an ice bath compared to the South of the US.)

Wish me luck. I'm from Seattle. I don't tan, I freckle once you peel the 3rd degree burns that develop on my body when I THINK of the sun. I am potential walking melenoma.

I guess I'm actually lucky I'm going to just boil away.

Things I think are stupid

2005-06-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, the first post I make in almost a month and it's to bitch. Well, that should tell you something about how my past time has been.

So, things I think are stupid.

1) Motorcyclists that do wheelies on the freeway. And the police can't really do anything about them because they drive too fast and someone is probably going to get hurt.

2) The fact that the Bug Eyed "Run Away Bride" is having a movie made about her. Give me a friggin break. She should have to pay back every CENT that people spent looking for her.

3) Parents who run into you with their strollers because they think you should get out of the way because they managed to spawn. Oh, I'm sorry.. maybe you didn't see me there. Yeah, right.

4) Glad "Flex" trash bags. Because they really work well but are twice as expensive as the normal trash bags. (yes, I have time to be annoyed by trash bags)

5) Dry clean only sweaters that pill the first time you wear them and leave lint all over your other clothes. And your car. Especially the seat belt.

6) Service charges for talking to someone at a bank. C'mon.. $3 to deposit a check through the drive through?!

7) Carrot Top. Let's face it, that belongs on any list.

8) The fact that I have so much vacation time I'm losing it and I can't seem to find time to take any. I think that makes *ME* stupid, actually.

9) They've completely *ruined* Herbie the Love Bug. *sigh* When I was your age... we walked both ways up hill to see Herbie and it was snowing and you whippersnappers don't know what it's like to see a movie without some "singer/actress/publicity whore" teen queen.

Okay. I guess that's really all. Well, not REALLY, but I think that I have better things to do than focus on the negative (sometimes you just have to brain dump, though)

So, fun things these days? Visiting the zoo - for an extra buck you get to feed birds! Way cool. The orangutangs and the gorillas still make me sad though. Thank you evolution. I think.

Twisted Flicks this week... WAR OF THE WORLDS - without that horrible, strange, please-go-away-now Tom Cruise. Do people really care that much about him and his insanity, anyway?

Fun time with a good friend (she knows who she is, Play-Doh girl). TOTALLY stoked about that.

OH! and before I go to bed (okay.. I also think that 8 am meetings are stupid, for the record) I gotta give you (all of you.. ha!) the update on the Great Waffle Bake Off of 2005. While it is possible to make *something* from waffle batter on a George Foreman grill... it does not resemble a true waffle. The taste may be there (I mean, it's made of waffle BATTER of course) but the consistancy is not at all the same. And you have to prop George up so it doesn't dribble out the bottom. We did discover though that Ezells Fried Chicken is the BEST in the world. It's like eating chicken that your mythical Gramma used to make for you "way back when". Yummy stuff. Google it. Look it up. Go there. Have a biscuit. Trust me.

Okay.. that's enough for now. Summer came in with a big old wet sneeze and I really want a few sunny days. Wish them for me... won't you?

Hasta la pasta for now, silent readers. :)

(ps because I just thought of it and haven't pressed "post" yet. JULY IS GOING TO ROCK! Okay, not ONLY is the new Harry Potter coming out... but so is "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory" (IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367594/). I am SO STOKED FOR THIS MOVIE! Okay, really done. 'Night!)

(oh.. and click here to see what people said about Ezells... not everyone liked it.. we LOVED it: http://seattle.citysearch.com/review/10798159)

June already?!

2005-06-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. When did it get to be June? I missed May. But then I live in the future months... I think it's a symptom of my job. Which I won't talk about here.

You know, there is a TON that I could write about work. But I don't for a couple of reasons:

1) Some people at work have this web address. Not that I'm hiding anything from anyone... I'm a pretty open gal and encourage anyone to check in with my comings and goings and rants and thoughts as they like. But I would hate to think that I could/would write something to make someone that I work with upset. I *like* the people that I work with - but we all have those days and the fleeting thoughts in my brain don't always need to make it to print.

2) Knowing me, I would write something that would get me fired. There are cases where employers have taken exception to what people write about them in a personal BLOG, and I would like to stay employed for as long as I can, thankyouverymuch. It seems silly that people can't just write what they want, but there are too many examples of companies feeling like they own their employees for more than the 40+ hours they pay them for. Personally, once I step foot out of that office, I am my own person. You own the time you pay me for... if I want to go dance in a donkey suit at the top of the Space Needle on a Saturday night, it doesn't make me any less valuable as an employee. My time is my time. Okay, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry. My time... my ramblings. Read at your own risk. I'm sure I warned you at one point.

So all I will say about work is that it's kicking my butt. I have some new responsibilities that are taking a lot of time and I'm working on making sure that "work/life balance" is sustainable. I don't know how well I am doing, but I'm trying.

In other news, I had a COMPLETELY KICK ASS WEEKEND! I was invited to go camping and decided to pass because I needed some home time. I was thinking I had made a bad decision at one point but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I went and saw The Deadly Mantis at Twisted Flicks, did some shopping (hello summer... new clothes here... feel free to come back!), ate some ice cream (oh, Coldstone, how I hate you. kidding. but you're just like a letch and go straight for the hips), saw "Madagascar" (I like to move it move it! Go see it, you freaks. ), hung out with friends and got to meet the illustrious lost Aunt Pat (aka Gap), went to a Storm game, did some MORE shopping (okay.. cute shirts too for that warm weather!) and then went to the zoo. Whew! It was perfect. I got to hang out with people I really enjoy, experiencing some of the things I like to do, and still got some good time in for myself. And that's the makings of a perfect life if you ask me.

So, next. I dunno. Went and walked around Green Lake tonight with a couple of friends. Okay, I don't understand this at all... maybe you runners can help me. Why don't you look like you're having any fun? See, we walkers, we talk and laugh and smile and still get some exercise. You runners, you look like someone has sprinkled shards of glass into your shoes and are whipping you if you so much as slow down. Now don't get me wrong... there's nothing wrong with running if you're being chased by a large animal or something. But sheesh, I have never seen anyone running who looks like they are enjoying the experience. Unless they are 6 and playing tag. It's just a thought. You're not really poster children for exercise. But you do have nice legs... I'll give you that.

Tomorrow it's more meetings and more meetings and more meetings and then dinner out. Trust me, it sounds much more exciting than it probably will be. I know you're all jealous.. there's nothing like 8 hours of meetings to make people want my job.

Now you know why I don't talk about it. I'd have people trying to bump me off just to get the opportunity to be me.

Heh.

Parents and Star Wars

2005-05-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

I think that sometimes I forget things about my parents. Or maybe, I guess, I never knew them. For example, I think that I forget that my parents have known me a long time and that my behavior probably doesn't surprise them at all.

Take as proof the time my Mom called me on Saturday morning asking what I was doing.

"Sitting on the couch in my pajamas, eating cereal and watching cartoons." (Let's face it, probably not the thing that most 30something year olds are doing)

"You've been doing that for 30 years." she replied, completely unsurprised. This is obviously a normal and not unexpected behavior for her eldest daughter.

"Well, I figure you find something that you're good at and stick with it," is really all I can say back.

Sometimes I wonder if she thinks I should be getting good at something else that will change the world or pay the bills. I'm pretty sure that Spongebob Squarepants and Kim Possible will never lead me to great wealth and fabulous vacations.

Friday night as I was sitting miserably in traffic she called me on the cell and asked how Star Wars was. Now, I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this blog (not that she's not invited to or anything, just pretty sure that she doesn't. Nor does my Dad. Or maybe they do and I am (again) surprised. But then I think this entire post is pointing out that they surprise me so I shouldn't be. Surprised, that is. Okay, yes, I'm moving on.)

I told her that Star Wars was good... and asked how she knew I had seen it, thinking maybe she had talked to my brother who knew I was going. Her reply was that she knew I liked to see those movies right when they came out (she would not have been shocked in the least had I gone to see the 12:01am showing. I would like to think that she WOULD have been a bit surprised had I told her that I was dressed up as Jar Jar Binks or something. ) She said that she figured that my brother would wait until it came out on video.

Why should it surprise me that she might know that about me?

I guess we all think that we're some strange, complicated beings. And that may be true. But when it comes to the Parental Units, they know all those strange and complicated things about us. Only my Mom would remember that I ran away from Willy Wonka when I was young because I saw the fat kid fall into the chocolate river and get sucked up the pipe. I was too scared to keep watching to see if he came out okay (which he did, but I would like to point out that it isn't until the very end that you find out. And in the meantime, kids are thrown out as bad eggs, turned into giant blueberries, shrunk by TVs and taunted by Oompa Loompas. I had a right to worry.)

Maybe it's all part of growning up.

Oh, and to close this all nicely... I liked Star Wars. With some exceptions. As per usual, the script leaves something to be desired but the light saber fights are kick ass. And I guess once Mom sees it, we can compare notes.

Friday afternoon "well, dammit"'s

2005-05-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

I am at work. This is not new, or novel or even really worth nothing in this forum. It's about 5:00 pm, the time when people leave these small, second home cubicles and go to their larger home to do exciting things like clean the kitchen and fall asleep on the couch with a good book.

I would like to be one of those people.

Then I looked out the window of the corner conference room towards Seattle and saw traffic backed up along I-90 from approximately Seattle to Spokane.

I will never get home.

I tell myself that working on the Eastside and living on the Westside is good because my real home is close to the things that I like to do. That a good work/life separation can be helped by physically distancing myself from the office. Most days I believe that.

Today, as I sit here thinking about sitting in the car for the weekend, I'm thinking that I maybe.. just maybe... thought wrong.

I know people who live close to the office. They sleep in a bit later than I do, they get home earlier, they go home for lunch. Of course, when it snows, they are expected to show up. Me, I've got a bridge to deal with... and that's if I can even get off my cobblestone slick as snot street.

All in all, I'm not REALLY bitching.

I just want to be home.

Maybe I will go shopping... it's got to be better than sitting in the car.

A post by any other name...

2005-05-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

First off, to answer the buffoon who called and left a message questioning if you could call a blog a blog if you hadn't posted for a couple of weeks... Yes. It's a WEB -LOG not a daily log. I just haven't webbed lately. Sue me. Nanny nanny boo boo.

BUT, since it seems that everyone has been missing my "oh so enchanting entries" let me catch you up.

Things I have learned in the last 2 weeks.

If you are putting more water into the carpet than you are taking OUT of the carpet with the shampooer, then you're doing it wrong. And, as an extra lesson, it's not smart to do the floors of your kitchen and put all your furniture BACK into your living room before realizing that you didn't swap the cleaner from "accessory" to "floor" and that you will have to do the floors all over again. Just saying. Not that it happened. Nope. Not to me.

I also learned that yarn belongs *ON* the cardboard that it came wrapped up on when you bought the "learn to knit!" kit from Target. It seems that, through some odd time/space warp, it's possible to completely tangle 75 yards of yarn into one large ball in approximately 5 seconds. Strangely enough, it takes approximately 5 DAYS to untangle the entire blasted mess. Let's pretend this happened to a friend and not to me. But, if you ever get a scarf/sweater/oddly shaped blob that was supposed to be a funky boa that anyone over age 8 can knit.. you better friggin' love it.

The engine light is off. No, I don't want to talk about it at all. I just keep telling myself "it's better than a car payment... it's better than a car payment."

Other fun things I did... went and saw "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" DON'T PANIC! Great movie and lots of fun. They did a good job holding to the feel of the book. I wasn't overly fond of some of the Hollywooding that they did, but if you don't walk out of the theater singing "Thanks for all the fish" then there is something really wrong with you. Seriously.

Did Rocky Horror. A complete experience, I gotta say. However, I do have a note to the parents of West Seattle... do you KNOW that your kids are dressing like that?! Nobody from that movie should EVER be a fashion role model. And to the guy wearing the thong with his bare butt hanging out... BRRRRR. I do have to give mad props though to the dad who dropped off the 3 girls and 1 boy who were all wearing very pretty dresses.

(side note to my folks if you ever come across this... I was such a good, normal kid. You have no idea what you could have ended up with. really. now we're even for the beer bottles in the garden)

AND, as if that weren't enough, I did some Mothers Day/Dad's Birthday feasting, friend's birthday beer drinking (shout out to Nellie for that mad ping pong... who says you need the table? It's just a SUGGESTION... a GUIDE more or less), out of town friend consoling, band watching, Pop Rock 69ing, dancing, candle shopping and girl timing.

Now, you see why it's been a bit? I've been BUSY!

Just 'cause I KNOW you're DYING to know what's coming up... this week brings dinner and a movie with The Gang (yes, they are an entity). Then it's (cue theme) Star Wars 3 time on Thursday. WHOOEEE! I hear this one's not for the kiddies - luckily I got a babysitter for the inner child. OH! and then probably another band session this weekend (this Saturday, TOST in Fremont at about 6:30 to see 80:20. You should go. And buy me a drink.)

See how much more exciting it all is when I scrunch it up like this?

I will have been am seeing you

2005-05-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

The whole concept behind this makes my brain boggle. I love it.

http://web.mit.edu/adorai/timetraveler/

Icarus dreams

2005-04-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, like the "plummeting to earth in a firey death ball" legend of old, I have taunted the gods and am now paying the price.

The Check Engine light is back.

Only today I was (slightly) taunting my fellow Saab owner on our way to lunch. I proudly pointed out the space where the light was not showing. "They unplugged the light," she said. I said I didn't think so but didn't really care because it wasn't on anymore.

Then I waved the red flag of car vengance when I made the suggestion out loud that my next car may be a Mini Cooper since they were so cute. My car heard me.

Fine, I'm punished and duly chastized for thinking that I could win this war. I give.

Oh.. and Fellow Saab Owner... I'm going to need the number of that mechanic.

Ketchup time!

2005-04-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Only heathens pronounce it "catsup" by the way.

Let's cover it!

1) Car update: the check engine light no longer on. Didn't have to pay for them to turn it off but if it comes back on again then I'll need more diagnostics. I kinda miss it's dashboard glow. Of course, I did get to buy a new water pump so my track record of slowly financing other people's expensive toys is intact. Also, apparently, rodents like to crawl under the hood of the car and chew on things. In this case, the hoses that carry the windshield washer fluid to the part of the car that needs washing (yes, the windshield). I made the nice service man promise to never tell me if he found rodent bits in my engine because that was really gross.

2) Tomorrow is a day off. Yay me. Which will be filled by going to a work lunch, stopping in a work to clean my email box because it's so full I can't send anything from my Blackberry, going to Costco and doing laundry. Nobody gets to say I don't know how to make my time count. This weekend is manual labor at the cabin in Port Gamble. Oh.. that reminds me that I need to also go buy a tent. A girl isn't complete unless she owns her own tent and the last one I had vanished at the Gorge when I lent it to a friend for a concert a group of people went to. We still aren't sure if it was blown away, was stolen or was chucked into the ravine by the crazy stalker guy in the band who had the hots for said friend even though she was married and told him she had no interest at all. We're thinking that it was a ploy for them to have to SHARE a tent and he could make his big move (because married gals always go for creepy, greasy stalkers donchaknow). I prefer the "crazy stalker drummer" story to any other ones as psychosis seems a fitting ending for a grand and noble tent. (okay... it was a Target 2 person tent which wasn't that Grand or Noble when the truth is told, but it's wrong to speak bad of the dead even when it is just a hunk of fabric.)

3) Thank you all for the "improvement" suggestions. I have nothing to scrapbook (and it's a little too Holly Hobby Soccer Mom for me right now), I thought about knitting (and still reserve the right to learn) and I think that it's impossable to train a cat. So.. I've chosen... (DRUM ROLL)... RALLY CAR RACING. Yes, Rally Car Racing (and its history). Of course, first I need to figure out what Rally Car Racing really is (it's the one where they go round and round in the woods and Colin McRae is someone who does it... right? Credit goes to the ex-boyfriend and his video game addiction for knowing that one.) Look for the "what I've learned" posts coming soon. And I bet I can guess which sibling suggested that one, crazy Kiwi. Keep the suggestions coming.. I'll need more!

4) The font I prefer here is "trebuchet" which completely cracks me up since you wouldn't think that a catapult would make for a distinctive writing form. I can only hope that it's an ode to the mighty medieval warriers which designed it so simply and nicely.

Nighty night and Happy Earth Day. Go hug a tree.

sigh

2005-04-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

Things I have thought to myself since Tuesday morning:

headaches suck
cat poop smells and I don't like to touch it
being bitten by a devil cat hurts and makes you feel stupid since he was purring just nano-seconds before the chomping started
1 eye swelling shut makes for bad depth perception while driving
sushi is fun to make with friends
friends are good and everyone should be so lucky as to have some
clean laundry is nice and makes you feel like all the bad can't get you
going to bed early is highly underrated
water heaters which barf all over your hallway carpet are annoyances... and sometimes remind me why I'm glad I rent
showers are going to be in short supply for the next 24 hours
I need a beer

For my improvement

2005-04-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

I took a class at work last week where we went through and identified ways to improve ourselves as good members of the work force. After dealing the tarot-esque cards, I chose "perspective" to tackle. I see myself as a good problem solver... but I recognize that working in the same company and environment for a number of years has skewed my thinking. Therefore, I need to work on the way I think about things and get some knowledge about stuff (technical term) outside my immediate sphere of influence.

One thing I am committed to doing is a crossword puzzle a day. I'm hoping that this helps me look at things from different angles and perspectives (since those pesky clues are tricky! Not to mention that whole "across/down" thing... who came up with that?!)

A suggestion from the Big Book of Improvement (a chapter per card, dontchaknow) suggests that I should find something that I don't know anything about and find out as much as I can about that subject. Then move onto another one. Good idea.

Here's the problem. There are TONS of things I don't know about. Car repair. Mechanical engineering. The mating habits of the marmoset. How gravity REALLY works. You get the idea. So, I'm looking for ideas. Really. This is the interactive part, folks.

I am now taking suggestions for something to learn about. What do you think is cool? What is that one thing that people who know you wish you would shut up about?

You submit it. I will learn about it and then write about it here. It's like turning in my homework to the world. Well, the 3 or so of you that read this, at least.

So, the suggestion box is now open... feel free to enter.

Car Excavation

2005-04-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

Items recovered from the back seat of my car and returned to and/or placed in their correct location:

1) garbage. Including a Jamba Juice cup and a Stranger Magazine

2) 3 books. I lent them to a friend who returned them.. oh.. let's see - March something

3) a flat iron. For your hair. For *my* hair. Circa early February

4) a sweater. From the last time a friend and I went and did laundry at the laundromat. 3 weeks ago

5) 2 coats. The one I left there belongs at work.

6) Tupperware. From lunch. Some lunch. I'm scared to open it.

Sheesh. No wonder my gas mileage sucks lately.

Pen to paper

2005-04-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about that phrase just now (I'm an 'in the moment' kinda gal) and wondered if anyone ever really did that anymore. Put 'pen to paper'. What would you call it now... putting pixels to forms? Text to white space? It's all a strange construct. A friend of mine was talking about cameras today and was saying that it was annoying to have to wind her film-holding camera when she wanted to take a picture. It's a world of instants. Amazing that Polaroid doesn't do better than it does. Don't get me wrong... I'm not complaining. I'm more likely to go into an actual store than order something over the internet because I would rather have my purchase in hand after spending the money. I guess I've learned to adapt to my surroundings.

So, I haven't written anything in about a week. One might think that means that I've not been busy. One would be wrong. Played some pool with some friends, saw a play (The Constant Wife) went to an 80's party and remembered why I don't wear my makeup like that anymore (oh the itching and burning!) had breakfast with my family and went to visit a co-workers beautiful home. That would explain why Friday night I passed out around 9:30 and didn't really wake up until 8:30 am. Ack! I guess every now and then the ol' body tells you when it's time to slow down.

In other news, I am learning how cats bend. Even though you know they are all claws and teeth, there are places where you can touch them without them trying to disembowel you. Mostly, it's *right* on the top of the head. Anywhere else you had better be faster than a cat.

This needed delicacy reminded me of crabbing in the San Juans when I was young. We probably only really went once, but I'll never forget wading through the crabgrass in old tennies, finding a lump of something, stepping on it and reaching into the chilly water to grab it. If it was a crab, you learned to pick it up by the outside edge of the shell and flip it over to see if it was a girl or a boy (boys wear boxers, girls thongs). If it was a girl, you got to huck it back; a boy went in the bucket for the crab boil on the beach.

Good times. Yummy crabs. Lessons about picking up things that can hurt you.

Let's hear it for opposible thumbs.

Poop

2005-04-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

Heh, you're almost scared to read this one, aren't you? Wondering if you should turn back now?

Don't worry. There's nothing about poop in this post. I know you're disappointed.

So, why 'poop'? 'Cause I got gas today and my damn Check Engine light is STILL on. I think it's winning. At some point I need to get my oil changed (like a month ago) and they will see it. And then I will have to pay. And deep down, I'm cheap. So I'll drive it another few days and then take it in. So poop.

Weekend ROCKED, but the time change is kicking my butt all over the place. I get up fine in the morning but by mid-afternoon I am horrible tired. It's almost enough to put me back on the coffee. *erk* I know I'll get used to it, but for now it's oodles of no fun.

OOH! Saturday, went and saw Robots at the IMAX at the Seattle Center... WAY COOL! If you ever get the chance to see a movie theater movie in IMAX it's worth it. I think the next one we'll check out will be Willy Wonka... partially because I have a real desire to see Johnny Depp's face 6 stories high. Yum.

Before the movie, a bunch of us went to the Melting Pot (fondue) place fand took advantage of their wicked happy hour. I swear that someday I'll write a happy hour book and make enough to eat a real meal at some of these places. Gotta tell you that the best people to see a movie with are the ones that get so into the movie that they make noises (*oof!*, *ah*, *OH DAMN!*). Mostly it's fun because I'm one of those people and then I don't feel so weird if it at least looks like I'm talking to someone else.

Sunday, rainy day... rainy rainy rainy day. Went to breakfast with a friend, then went walking around Greenlake in the rain (yes, I know it's Seattle. No, it doesn't ALWAYS rain here. And even if it did we're generally smart enough to know not to stand in it. Mostly.) Then off for some shopping. And dinner. And a screening of The Incredibles (there was only 2 of us.. quite chi chi). Great times with great people. I am so lucky to know them even if they are a pain in the tukus sometimes.

The week ahead? Oh.. a get together with some friends, a play with some others and an 80's themed party. And I'm helping watch a cat that will probably kill me if it gets a chance. I am betting there's some good blogging (ooh, look how cutting edge I am with the whole 'turning a noun into a verb' trend) there.

Life is so fun. :)

For the record

2005-03-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I may get political. This is one of those times. I'm sitting here watching CNN and the coverage of the Terri Schiavo situation and want to get a few things down. Feel free to move along if you don't want to know or are looking for more information about my check engine light (still on).

For the record-

1) I think the media coverage of this poor woman, her family and her life is appalling.

2) I think the government overstepped their bounds.

3) I think that it's despicable that her parents have sold out their supporters for money (Link here.) (At some point, the link will disappear. It's a report that her parents have sold their list of supporters to a direct-mailing firm called Response Unlimited. Spokespeople for the Schindler family have confirmed this)

4) If I hear the term "err on the side of life" one more time I think I will throw up.

5) I will be making my living will as soon as I can order it. Whatever your opinion on this case, it's important that you document your wishes in legal terms. Get a living will. Don't do this to your family and the people who love you.

I hope that her family can come to terms with this and can find the peace that they need.

Veni Vici Vino

2005-03-30T21:37:00.000-08:00

We came. We saw. We drank wine.

Tonight a friend and I went to a Wine 101 class at a local wine shop. They have more wine types than I've ever seen. Acres and acres and acres. Okay, well, maybe not ACRES, but lots and lots.

We tried 6 wines, 3 whites and 3 reds, and I learned that as wine snobs go I don't qualify. The only one I didn't finish tasting was the last red - a Cabernet. I also learned that either people can smell and taste a lot better than I can, or they read the materials and decide that they can really sense the undertow of red currant better than I am able to. Maybe I should have blown my nose first. I'm okay with not being hoity toity.

As with everything open to the general public, there was the guy who had to have a comment about EVERYTHING. He looked like Newman from Seinfeld. No, seriously. Luckily he was across the room from me or that last glass might have spilled into his lap. No, not really... I'm not that mean. I just have a very low tolerance for people who seem to talk just to feel their mouth move.

So, here is my review of the wines we tasted:

1) Stoneleigh Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand- very nice. Even I was able to smell grapefruit and green apples. Which weren't anywhere in the wine at all (it was pointed out that, after all, we were dealing with grape juice here). It was nice and crisp and citrusy. (yes, that's a real word. Shush)

2) Zenato Pinot Grigio from Italy - nice too. Very smooth. (smoooooooooth) Appley and peary and they say it would go well with Asian food. Okay. I'll believe them. I would buy this one, but think it would go well with a glass.

3) Columbia Crest Grand Estate Chardonnay from the good ol' USA. We decided that it tasted like a rice crispy treat that you dropped in the dirt. Which was a nice way to say that it was smooth, sweet and buttery with a nice oakeyness. (ha. correct THAT one spell checker!) As my friend put it "I taste a distinct twig." Honestly, I liked the first sip of this one, but wasn't feeling so hot about it at the end of the drinking. I thought it had the best aftertaste though.

4) Rosemont Estate Diamond Series Shiraz from Australia. In the running for the longest and most elaborate names, I gotta admit. I don't have any notes on it. But I liked it... I'm a Shiraz fan.

5) Cline Ancient Vine Zinfandel from (again) the red white and blue. Ooooh. Ancient Vines. Oooooh. Okay, well I thought this one was smooth and buttery and woodsy and very red. I actually bought a bottle of this (filling my wine rack to 18- full capacity by the way). It was nummy.

6) Sebastioni Cabernet from somewhere which I didn't bother to write down because I hated it and my only note on here is a big NO. Everyone else really liked it though... so either they are all really great liars or there is something wrong with me. Either way, I'm okay with it.

Overall, we had a blast! They do wine tastings every Saturday from 3-6 and I am thinking that I should start to go. That way I can really KNOW I don't like the cabernets and nobody can tell me I've just never had a good one.

Viva la vino!

You may find yourself...

2005-03-28T22:20:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what Mister Big Suit listens to? Well, now you can listen too. He's created an internet radio station. You've heard of the internet.. right? Well, only if you're Canadian.

Anyway, check out David Byrne's radio station.

Confessions of an addled mind

2005-03-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

Three things I did today that I'm not proud of:

1) I went to a website at work that crammed my computer full of crap and pop ups and the like. Why am I not proud of this? First... I work in IT. Second, I know better. So now I'm cleaning up the crud that I've inflicted on myself before my boss walks by and sees the pop up with the three pictures of Eric Estrada offering me a free pastel iPod if I can identify Eric Estrada.

2) I went to McDonalds for lunch. Yes, I've seen "Supersize Me". And read "Fast Food Nation." And still did it. So, to all those cows, workers and the guy who fried his liver so I would learn, I'm sorry.

3) I bought an "Oprah" magazine. Now I know this isn't something to truly be embarassed about, but I am. I make fun of her and her empire. And now I'm going to sit and read about what people eat when they think others aren't watching. Okay, as penance, I will leave her alone for a week or so.

In other news, the Check Engine light is still on and it doesn't worry me anymore. That can't be good. I do promise that if I see flames or smoke or something I will call the mechanic. And yes, Erik, you still get the light if I take it out.

And the best news today? I got my car insurance renewal and it went DOWN. That's incredible considering I filed a claim for a ripped off bumper last year. Who knew. Maybe if I keep this car long enough they will pay me to replace it.

Okay, back to the laundry. Yes, it's always this exciting. :)

Runs like coconuts

2005-03-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay.. okay. You really have to see this.

Octopus article and movie

Okay, so. You're an octopus. And you're trying to get away. And you think "those humans have this really cool '2-legged thing' going and I want to try it." So you come up with this.

Take the time to watch the little Quicktime movie.

Nature is SO cool!

(does anyone else think of "Sigmund and the Seamonsters" when they see this?)

Open letter to my fellow drivers

2005-03-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

I commute around 30 miles on the freeway each day and find myself thinking the same things over and over again. I thought I should share them.

1) You know that thing you're doing with your finger and your nose? Well, guess what. Those 'windows' (stay with me here) that let you see *out* also let me see *in*. Just thought you should know since apparently you think you become invisible to others when the engine starts.

2) Cutting me off and then putting your blinker on does not constitute a correct lane change. I'm more than happy to let you in if you you would just ask nicely. Pretending you see me also does not count.

3) If you need a shoehorn to fit into your car, you might want to reconsider your choice of vehicle. On the flip side, if you can't tell if you've just run over a Mini in your Navigator then you might want to think about swapping to something you don't need a ladder to climb into. Most people are average sized and fit safely and comfortably into average sized cars. Just thinking of you on this one. Okay, I'm also thinking of me. Some of you are kinda scary.

4) I am all for listening to music in the car. And singing along. Let's face it, if the music is loud enough you would swear I was Whitney Houston (except for that whole drug addition thing. And the fact that I am a really, really pale girl with Mid-Western roots). HOWEVER... once that sound leaves the confines of your internal combustion machine, you sound like a bad karoke performer. I'm thinking that rolling the windows up a bit might help. Feel free to leave the sunroof open though. I promise, in the interest of parity, that I will do the same.

Car update: Light still on. I'm still alive.

Oh, and I have apparently become addicted to fat free/sugar free cheesecake flavored pudding. I knew I needed help when I realized that I had *8* boxes in my cupboard and was seriously considering buying more since it was on sale. 'Cause it's not like I don't have OTHER flavors. I tell you, if we ever have a pudding shortage, I can hook you UP!

Overall, life is good.

Comma apologies

2005-03-23T21:21:00.000-08:00

In reading my own posts, I realize that I am a huge fan of the comma. I use it all the time and in places that it really doesn't belong.

Now, I could go back and correct the mistakes, but that would be cheating. Instead I'll just say something before anyone else can and apologize to all the people who got credit for teaching me the rules of grammar and proper sentence structure.

It's not your fault. It's going to continue to happen. You probably shouldn't lose any sleep over it - I know I don't.

I now return you to your normally punctuated life.

Odd things that came out of my mouth today

2005-03-23T21:07:00.000-08:00

Two things I actually said today in normal conversations:

"It's not like I write 'eat me' on his ding dongs"

and

"So, what did you do with Jesus?"

I am thinking there is no context I can put these in to have them make any more sense, so I'll just leave them freestanding in the ether.

In other news, it's day two of the scary car light and since there have been no cataclysmic explosions, I'm not dead yet. Of course, the light is still on, glowing that vile orange. In the war of woman vs machine, we're evenly matched.

Looks like we live to battle another day.

In other OTHER news, guess where I was at 6:15 this morning? No, not sleeping. That would have been nice. And no, not at the circus... that would have been nice, too. I was at the gym. I want a brownie point for that. Actually, I just really want a brownie.

Idiot Lights, Idiot Imagination

2005-03-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

My car assumes that I am an idiot, and for once I'm glad that something has that opinion of me. When it comes to cars, I'm stupid like a blonde girl (don't get mad.. I *am* a blonde girl and I am taking advantage of a stereotype so save any angst and consternation for a redhead). I once tried to fix a blown clutch by adding oil. Yes, seriously. No, it didn't work. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite bright in other areas of my life. Just not this one.

So when my CHECK ENGINE light came on this morning as I was driving down I-90, I was appropriately panicked. I had visions of my transmission falling out of my car and trailing behind me like intestines (a transmission does look like intestines, right?), bouncing around and setting off sparks that would then blow up my gas tank. Nevermind that my car was driving just fine and that no other lights came on. If your car tells you its engine needs checked you should listen.

I called into work to let them know I was a news making car fire waiting to happen and talked to another Saab owner who blissfully told me "Oh, the 'check engine' light. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything. That came on in my car and they never figured out what was wrong with it so I finally had them take the bulb out."

Huh? Having the engine light come on had to be important. I hung up with her, already mourning the demise of her car because obviously there was something incredibly wrong with it and she was in such denial she should really get AAA because she's going to need a tow real soon.

I called the dealership. When you're sick you call the doctor. When your car is about to puke its guts all over a major freeway at rush hour, you call a mechanic. The conversation I have goes something like this:

me: "Hello. I'm driving down the road and my.. oh.. wait.. let me back up. I have a 1998 Saab and I'm driving down the road and my check engine light came on and I'm sorta thinking that can't be good and how worried should I be about my car blowing me up since I don't want to be on the news and my apartment is pretty messy and I'd hate to have anyone have to clean all that up if I die?"

them: "Is the light steady or blinking?"

me: "Steady. Should I leave this deathtrap on the side of the road and run screaming for my life?"

them: "Did you get gas recently?"

me: "Last night... oh my god... it's the gas, right? I'm inhaling gas fumes right now and only IMAGINING that the light is on and I am really talking to my guardian angel because I am in the middle of Lake Washington about to catch hypothermia!"

Okay okay. I will admit that some of that was in my head. But it was still part of the conversation *I* was having. It's just that the nice man who had the misfortune of answering the phone this morning wasn't participating in the part of the conversation he couldn't actually hear. I'll forgive him for being rude since he told me that it's probably just that I didn't close my gas tank cap tight enough and I have an air bubble somewhere that's throwing off the emissions. It should "self correct" in a couple of days if that's the problem.

Wait a cotton pickin' minute... my car freaked me out because it has to BURP?! That is so wrong. Apparently the check engine light doesn't really mean anything important after all.

As he hung up, the nice man told me that if that light started blinking then I should have it towed in right away.

Nightmare fodder, I swear.

The Problem With Pajamas

2005-03-21T15:41:00.000-08:00

The problem with pajamas? There aren't any. And I am convinced that our body's natural inclinations are to run around in them when it's not socially acceptable to be naked.

This being said, I am suffering from a distinct lack of pajama in public place wearings.. and I am missing it MORE now that I got a recent sweet sweet taste of pajama freedom.

On Friday a group of us went to see Jet City Improv's "Saturday Morning Cartoon" themed show. As usual, we met at the Galway Arms for happy hour, we downed a pint or so, wandered to the theater, sat our butts down and laughed our asses off. Just a typical Friday night. Except we did it in pajamas.

Yep. Met at the Galway Arms IN PAJAMAS! Downed a pint or so IN PAJAMAS! Wandered to the theater, sat our pajama-ed butts down and laughed our pajamas off. And it didn't stop there. We had accessories! Stuffed bunnies and pillows and boxes of cereals that you know you shouldn't eat but who cares cause you're going to watch cartoons in your pajamas like you did when you were 5.

It. Was. A. Blast.

And now I'm sitting here thinking to myself that I really would rather be wearing my pajamas. The soft, pink Supergirl bottoms. The silky soft t-shirt layered under the Mickey Mouse tank top. My hair up in pigtails, running around in stocking feet on a sugar high of epic proportions. They're all nice and clean and calling to me. It's like a pajama addiction. Pajama porn.

So, if you see me running around in my pajamas, just know that the call of the inner child was too loud this time and she won out. And she's singing the Smurf theme song in her head and taking no pajama prisoners.

The Gym.. part 1

2005-03-20T19:33:00.000-08:00

I hate the gym. No.. wait.. I like the gym.. I hate GOING to the gym. Once I'm there, I'm cool. It's the getting in the car, driving there, finding parking, getting a machine. Everything else is gravy. I like the workout, always feel better once I'm done, and know that I should make the effort to get there. I pay my money, I have the required attire (shoes, pants, sports bra), but somehow when the time comes to actually SHOW UP I find excuses not to go.

Surprisingly, just belonging to a gym does not get you a tighter ass. Who knew?

So, I'm back on the program. Really. My workout partner and I are committing to going 3 times a week. In the morning. *sigh*

The only thing I hate worse than going to the gym is going to the gym in the morning.

Into the Land of the Yuppie

2005-03-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

Every 3 months or so I make the journey to the Mecca of the Yuppie: University Village. This semi-outdoor, over-priced, conglomeration of high end stores is where my current hairdresser sets up shop.

This is the land of the SUV that's never seen dirt. Of the parents with the matching Eddie Bauer shirts pushing their spawn into Pottery Barn Kids while slurping the latest Frappuccino concoction. Where you have to wait 15 minutes to find a parking spot to go to the grocery store.

As I cut off oncoming traffic to grab a parking space that opened up, I praised my Saab's small turning radius.

As I looked at my cell phone to see if I was early, I noticed that Barnes and Noble had a cafe.

As I sat with my book drinking my single tall sugar free nonfat vanilla latte, I realized that maybe, just MAYBE I fit in there just a little bit.

It was not a comforting thought.

Orange Rhymes

2005-03-19T16:41:00.000-08:00

"you're funny" they said
"you should have a blog" they said

okay.

Now, I have to tell you that so far I have created this thing TWICE.. and keep getting error messages.

I'm not feeling so jovial now.